The Truth.

Who am I kidding trying to persuade myself that I'm not crazy about you?

Blab.

The past few months have been testing. My outlook on things has totally changed. Life has gotten a little less linear. I'm happy and sad and I think it's because I don't know where I am and where I'm going, which is exciting I guess. This summer I think will give me more freedom to try and change for the better. I know the kind of person I am, and although I've always thought that my sensitive nature was something that really defines myself and makes me unique, to be honest I think it's a hard way to live life. My priorities are all over the place!
It's supposed to be all about number one, but I don't think I'm built like that. I think I'm meant for someone else, to make someone else happy, which in turn makes me happy. I also think I’m meant to subtly use the world’s resources, not make them. In other words I'm a child of the earth, with the desire to explore, experience and love. Such cheese if ever I heard it! But that's just the way I write. Behind every great man, is a woman. And the girl behind me has really given me the ambition I need.
I'm just pouring thoughts out onto the keyboard here. Unprocessed thoughts, so don't try and read between the lines, because there's nothing there but you.

Cat's have nine lives. She doesn't, and I killed her.

Today hasn't been the best of days. It started out well, as I did a good deed and then it went downhill from there. Firstly, I failed my driving test which I was pretty confident about. Then things got exponentially worse. This girl I like, or should I say the girl I like... I couldn't have messed up things any more! We got into this habit of talking indirectly over msn personal messages. I always thought they were a good way of expressing how I felt while at the same time being vague, but it got to the point where we both knew we were talking about each other. I like this girl so much and I was scared that because I’ll be moving back home in a couple of weeks that I wouldn’t get the chance I wanted. So I came right out with it. I asked where things are heading. And being my idiotic self I took her answer as negatively as I could interpret it. Not such a good idea. Now I’m making matters worse by thinking it's gone forever and I’ve gotten myself all worried now. With good reason I think! But the point is I fucked up badly. It's a weird thing to say, but I think there are a lot of blink 182 songs that can sum up how I feel better than I can. I hope I haven’t messed things up, even though I’ve learnt my lesson too late. I know we both mean a lot to each other and she was right all along when she said take it slow and go with the flow. But I just didn’t know how much time we had. More then than I do now.

Rumble in the ears!

Woah! It's late and I’ve been motor-biking all day! I'm actually deaf because of it! After all the crazy changing gears with my foot and using the clutch with my hand, we chilled to the Blues Brothers movie - which is awesome - and a few beers, so forgive any typos or bad brammar! Haha, I just genuinely said brammar! Swear to gawd! Family leaves for France at 3am... which is just over an hour away! Let the madness begin from that point onwards! Hmmm, well I’m not sure about madness here, I'm kind of missing the 'big' city, so I'll probably head back up there on Tuesday! Whew I’m tired!

Bon Voyage!

Happy Super Fun Chocolate Egg Day!

Just back from a hike up Clough Mor mountain! Was exillerating as usual but as I came closer to the peak, the place was packed to the balls with people! Not just people, but children too! I should have know when walking through the car park at the base which was pretty full! And not only that, but the Big Stone itself had been painted with blue and yellow polka dots, making it look like an abnormally large and quite irregular easter egg! Madness I tells ya!

Anyway, must dash! I'm being picked up by a man on a motorbike!

Good Mood Friday

Feeling good! Not great, but good! Nearly back to full health again! Last night was great though! I was too late to see the band but I still got introduced to everyone and am now considered a groupie!
Here I am sitting in the Ashby building, and I’m pretty sure I’m the only person here, hence I have my laptop playing tunes! Just listened to a song that reminds me of somebody, and I only really listened to the lyrics then and the first verse sums up how we eventually met:

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...

Well some of the first verse reminds me of her. The first three lines! I'll not tell you the name of the song, I’ll let your curiosity get the better of you and let Google end your wonder!

Little cough!

All this coursework is killing me! I'm never going to make the deadlines! But I’m not going to let it get the better of me. There's no point in worrying about things in my opinion. Easier said than done though, but one quote always makes me feel better:

"It's all about the journey, not the destination."

I'm not sure where this quote originally came from, and I don't want to Google it because the person who said it to me is the person I was talking about before. I'm not sure where she pulled it out of, but as far as I’m concerned, it's her quote and that makes it all the more meaningful to me.

Anyway, I need to get back to work, so...
I'll see you next time, same bat time, same bat channel!

SOCK!

On The Up!

Finally! My 3D Solar System is finished! It took ages to iron out all the rough edges but now it's good to go! Report is done too! Handing it all in tomorrow! One less thing to worry about!



Now I have to write a one-hundred page report on my final year project, which has yet to be finished! Not looking good to be honest!
The good news is I’m feeling a lot better than I did this morning! I'm still a little shaky but the cough has nearly gone... just as I wrote that last sentence, I coughed!

Miserable!

Alright alright! Don't expect much from me today. I may have managed to drag myself out of bed before 10am this morning, but this temporary burst of enthusiasm does not reflect how I really feel today. Cough... cough... shake! Take a look out the window at the dull depressing weather, couple that with the bottomless pit of project work yet to come, pour this into a Macbethian cauldron and stir with fatigue... I could go on being over-dramatic but that's just plain boring!
I'm supposed to be going to Katy Daly’s tonight to see DejaVu playing, and I really want to go but I feel too ill! You know what... I really don't have the energy to continue blabbering, so until next time!

POW!

Setting sail

Blogs, eh! The blogging world I guess can be compared to the sea. And my blog is simply a Hydrogen particle, floating with Brownian motion, alone and meaningless, waiting on the ego expanding visit of a random Google pirate!

Right! Enough with the analogies! It's time to get to business! It's a dull day outside, although I am oblivious to this, while sitting in my private laboratory above the clouds i.e. the ninth floor of the Ashby building!

Work that needs done is not getting done and procrastination has domination over all. There's also the anticipation of going ice skating later! Hence YouTube has granted me a wealth of hockey fight videos, and 'How To Ice Skate' videos, which have filled me with over-confidence, only too sure to be dashed when the time actually arrives!

So, am I doing this right? I’m supposed to be writing things that I want people to read about and supposedly I want people to read about my life in terms of my thoughts and plans. Although, do I really want to tell everyone about my life? I mean, there are some people who are very close to me who may not want to be mentioned, or that special person might get embarrassed about what I have to say about them, and to be honest, if I were to write about the special people in my life, that’s totally defeating the purpose of a blog in the first place. Maybe blogs are only supposed to contain things like short term plans, for example going to the fridge to fetch some oj. Or perhaps a blog should consist of… Okay hold that thought! I must use an escape rope! Off Ice Skating!